Some of the links in this post take you to my more personal blog where there is some less-polished sharing. And swearing. Just so we're clear...
When my beloved teacher, Mary, was here in December for our workshop, I was blessed to spend a bit of time with her.
In the process of catching up, I shared about my kidney stone, the forthcoming culmination of our first Teacher Training program, and other bits about the pace and fullness of life.
She looked at me. And then looked me again… and this time she looked through me. Through the surface layers of excitement and adrenaline and momentum.
And she said, “You need some time off.”
“Oh ya,” I said. “Ron and I will probably take a weekend away after the new year.”
“No, you need a month off.”
Even with the sophistication of her british accent, I thought she’d totally lost her mind.
After some banter and a list of all the reasons I couldn’t take that much time off, her response was, “That’s exactly why you need to do it.”
Her point is multifaceted… that the intensity of our lives in this culture is such that we often don’t even know how tired or depleted we are.
That I am not being true to the practice or a good example for our community if I don’t take care of myself.
That I have been working radically hard, long hours, and I need a radical break.
While this idea has been hard to digest, it has certainly stuck with me.
A month off of teaching? A month for my own practice? A month for me?
I already knew my word for the year was going to be self-care. I knew the holidaze, a whirlwind trip to NYC, and Haramara were all coming up, and come the end of January I would be tired.
Still, the committee of critics in my head was busy:
You have to be at the studio or everything will fall apart.
Followed by the popular,
No one will care if you’re at the studio, in fact it might be better without you.
There were many reasons like these, all based in fear, smallness and ego.
It was perhaps these reasons that made it all the more clear that I needed to take time off. A month off.
And so… I will be taking the month of February off of teaching! I am excited. Elated, really. And so so thankful that I have the ability to do this.
I will be at the studio (probably more) soaking up the good love that our amazing instructors give so freely and skillfully. I will be posting updates on both blogs (the mild here, the spicy here). I will be taking it easy, lying around, and not feeling bad about it.
I never would have done this if it weren’t for Mary. And maybe you read this and know in your heart that you need a break… be it a month, a day, an afternoon. As she promised to do to me, I will hound you until you take care of yourself.
And all the reasons you say you can’t do it are just the reasons you need to.
Tags: mary paffard, time off, tired
I will miss your classes like crazy, but I know they’ll be so much sweeter when you return.
I am so proud of you for taking time off even though those inner critics are screaming about it. Everyone deserves quality time off to rest and rejuvenate. Even you!
So glad Mary is looking out for you.
I am so proud of you! You have shown us all, not just teachers in training but the community, the importance of caring for our own souls. We honor you and certainly WILL miss you but know that the refreshed you will enliven us all once again when you return
Much LOVE!!!
For some reason this post made me feel weepy — in the best way possible. Thank you for sharing your truth & your light with the world, on here and in person. I’m so grateful to be a part of the IAY family. xoxo
I am just repeating the comments of the other commenters, happy,sad, glad. But, I really believe in you and your personal decision is a difficult one. I applaud you for making a difficult choice-take care of yourself! Bravo. Your return will be a gift of renewed strength and spirit- a gift for yourself and all.
You are a wise woman…I support your decision 100% Easy for me to say as I bask in the sunshine of Puerto Vallarta but I am a believer in mixing it up….I hope to practice next to you while you are taking care of yourself in a week or two when I return…mmmuuuaaaahhhh
I am so proud of you! I can’t wait to read your blogs–it’s much harder than it sounds but it truly is worth it. You totally inspire the rest of us.
good for you! does this mean you’ll come over for a cup of tea? i promise, no yoga talk……
You are a GEM Jon! YES – I’ll see you in class. mmmmmuuuaaahhh right back!!
Blah, blah, blah… yeah I know it is all for the best, but what about me? You are clearly missing the point, since the universe revolves around me I should not ever be asked to stretch and try something different. I may not always like my rut, but at least I am used to it. Okay. okay, maybe something good can come from this like meet new people, new teachers, and try different classes. Hmmm, maybe it could even be fun. As far you go Michelle, well I adore you will enjoy watching you rejuvenate.
oh, i love you lady…. i’ll see you in class. we’ll cause a ruckus together =) xo
Dear Michelle,
You are modeling such good behavior! Kudos to you! I completely understand that it is not easy thing to do. You are still teaching with your not-teaching…a zen thing!
With admiration, Lisa
Yogi Lady, remember at Metro when we said “Self Care is not Negotiable”!
Repeat after me….
I am smiling inside and out because you are putting that phrase into action! That inspires me to keep trying myself to achieve more balance in my life! Love to you! Leslie
i think of you and our metro interaction ALL THE TIME. YOU are MY inspiration and i’m doing this for women like us – self care, NON NEGOTIABLE! we can do it!! love you!
you are so sweet, lisa… thank you!!
YES!
So important to stay in tune. So happy that you are finally listening, if not to your body, to your beloved mentor. It’s time to be still and listen…. best
You probably don’t remember me, it’s been so long since I’ve been there. I was out for a long time with locally advanced cancer and after all of the medical treatment, I started treating me. Even though I was doing the work of it – meditating, yoga at home, exercise, all of that stuff it now feels like my life started changing almost on its own. Instead of working so hard, I’m doing things like going to plays, seeing musicals, making hours for things that are important to me. So bless you with your month off – I think its the realization of that inner spirit that talks to you so clearly
Dear Michelle, enjoy your time off and thank you for sharing your story. You have planted a seed for me as well!
Woo! Hoo! I can hear the extra pep in your step already! Are you suddenly not tired at all now that you have given yourself permission to have time off? Good books, massages, yoga, nurturing relationships, nurturing self… yep, sounds like a wonderful month ahead. many blessings to you. See you in class. love. love.love.
Michelle,
bravo!!! When you think about it what is a month in one’s lifetime? Enjoy the well earned rest. (I am still doing yoga to my tapes, thanks to all of your private lessons)
Michelle! I didn’t realize you had a kidney stone to deal with recently-yowza! So glad that you are taking care of yourself. When I had my little “your kidneys are failing and we don’t know why” experience, I was told to take 6 months off of everything. Even though I really didn’t like my job–it was probably one of the reasons my kidneys gave me the wake up call–I had a tremendously hard time with the idea for many of the same reasons you mentioned, “everything will fall apart, etc.” But of course, all was and is perfectly well and right in the world. A month is a very short amount of time, and I’m excited to hear how you’ll be doing at the end of it. I miss your classes out here in Fairfield and encourage all those close to you who can, to practice with you when you’re back in the studio.
thanks, toni. ‘be still and listen’… that’s perfect!
of course i remember you! i think of you often. alicia and i were just sending you blessings recently…
so glad to hear that you’re doing well and caring for yourself in this beautiful way. thanks so much for leaving a message… wonderful to hear from you.
stay in touch and maybe i’ll run into you on a stroll enjoying the rain… xo
yay trina!!! let me know if your seed grows…. xo
ah… that sounds like the best ‘to do’ list EVER! thanks =) xo
karin!!! how fun to get your message!! what a great perspective about time – thank you! hope you and pat have a wonderful spring. say Hi to rodney =) xo
cathy!!! of course i knew it was you =) wow – i didn’t know you had ‘a kidney thing’… scary. thanks for sharing that, and for your encouragement. i miss you and hope things are well out there in fairfield… call or come by when you’re in town. take care! xo